It’s days like these that makes you want to chill and enjoy the ride

Boing Boing features a video from Microsoft, touting their new program Songsmith. It may be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Or the saddest. I can't tell for sure.

I want to stress that this is a real promotional video. It's not from SNL. It isn't a clever ploy by Steve Jobs to destroy the reputation of his competition.

Speaking of things that leave me confused and vaguely sad, I was listening to the Culture Gabfest from Slate, and they played a clip from the new season of 24. Here's the relevant section:

Senator Mayer: Alright then. Did you torture Mr.Haddad?

Jack Bauer: According to the definitions set forth by the Geneva Convention, yes, I did. (long pause) Senator, why don't I save you some time. It's obvious that your agenda is to discredit CTU, and generate a series of...

Senator Mayer: My only agenda is to get to the truth.

Jack Bauer: I don't think it is, sir.

Senator Mayer: Excuse me?

Jack Bauer: Abraham Haddad had targeted a bus carrying 45 people, 10 of which were children. The truth, Senator, is that I stopped that attack from happening.

Senator Mayer: By torturing Mr.Haddad!

Jack Bauer: By doing what I deem necessary to protect innocent lives.

Senator Mayer: So basically what you're saying, Mr.Bauer, is that the ends justify the means and that you are above the law.

Jack Bauer: When I am activated, when I am brought into a situation there is a reason, and that reason is to complete the objectives of my mission at all costs.

Senator Mayer: Even if it means breaking the law.

Jack Bauer: For a combat soldier, the difference between success and failure is your ability to adapt to your enemy. The people that I deal with, they don't care about your rules, all they care about is the result. My job is to stop them from accomplishing their objectives. I simply adapted. To answer your question: am I above the law? No, sir. I am more than willing to be judged by the people you claim to represent, I will let them decide what price I should pay. But please do not sit there with that smug look on your face and expect me to regret the decisions that I have made because, sir, the truth is...I DON'T.

Once again, I'm left perplexed about how to respond. In one sense, I'm embarrassed for whoever came up with this dialoge - it sounds like it was written by a six year-old, and not a particularly clever one. And then there's a feeling of deep shame for the country that I'm sure there are plenty of folks out there who were totally pumped to hear Jack Bauer tellin' it like it is! to the man. Finally, I'm disgusted that a show based on scenarios and hypotheticals which are completely divorced from reality (there are no such things as ticking time bombs, and even if there were torture is a terrible means of obtaining the truth) has such cachet in the world right now.

Basically, this scene was a million times better when it was in A Few Good Men...and it was obvious that the guy declaring himself judge and jury over right and wrong was, in fact, a raving lunatic.

Anyways, while I'm talking about things too horrible to contemplate, why not round off the trifecta with some isolated vocal tracks. For instance, here's David Lee Roth singing "Runnin' With the Devil" with all the instruments (e.g. music) removed. It has to be heard to be believed.

But, I swear to god, there's one that's even worse, an unreleased (can't imagine why) track from Smashmouth called "Days Like These" - so terrifying that it makes me hope we're alone in the universe just so that no one else is subjected to it.

There was a time when I thought that might be the worst/best thing I'd ever heard. But then, some brilliant, brilliant person out there combined the 'horrifying isolated vocals' concept with the 'horrifying Microsoft music program' thing and produced: "Runnin' With the Songsmith."

Ladies and Gentlemen...the internet is now complete.

Isolated vocal tracks:
Days Like These - Smashmouth
Runnin' With the Devil - Van Halen